What do we have to do to feel found, cherished, certain, joyful, and fearless?
I spent so many of my younger years feeling those lost feelings. Insecurity and anxiety were part of every day, pretty much. Some days more than others but a familiar battle. A good day was appreciated but it seemed that the bad days would come without warning and I felt powerless to overcome the bad feelings. Yet, my mask was pretty much intact. I coped okay. Not the best but okay.
Needless to say, my motivation consisted of repeatedly telling myself I could do it. No matter how tough it was, I continued to talk myself into moving forward. Sometimes I needed help and encouragement and those are the times when I was glad to have friends.
My anxiety level was consistently inconsistent, pretty high, but I coped with it pretty well. I suffered from several eating disorders between 17 and my mid 20s. It was one of the ways I tried to cope with my chronic anxiety. I started to get urinary tract infections chronically about that time as well. I took a job and worked hard to move forward, still feeling vulnerable and wounded. I was finally able to shake anorexia and bulemia when I married Henry, but I was still shaky inside. I still suffered with UTIs when the stress got too much.
These disorders are not unusual in our day and age. I was able to connect my disease with my anxiety and stress in my case, but maybe it's just my perception. But I have come to understand how much my internal anxiety and stress helped break down my body's defenses and create illness and disease.
When I gave my life to God, I believe a process of healing began. That began in 2000 and is still continuing, and probably will continue fo rthe rest of my life. I didn't want to make such a surrender, but it ended up happening. Slowly but surely, I lost levels of internal stress. I confessed to my sins and asked for forgiveness from God and from my family. As I faced my sins and trusted in God's love and Jesus' redemption, I was able to somehow heal. Over these 8 years, I trusted God and my confidence transferred from myself and my efforts, to God and his mercy and grace. Now I realize how blessed and highly favored I am. And that knowledge is crucial for my health and well-being. It's crucial to my being able to make sense of life.
It's hard to explain; I guess you had to be there.
For me, making sense of life is knowing that I am blessed and live by faith in the God of the Old Testament and His Son, Jesus Christ of the New Testament. And my faith is not a destination as much as it is a journey, a walk that allows me to take fresh steps every day. I learned that a "quiet time" is really a meeting with the living Christ, consisting of prayer and Bible reading. I learned to read, reflect and meditate on God's Word. I learned to try to apply what God has taught me from the Bible reading to the circumstances of my life - situations at work, home school, or church. I learned to use what I learned from His word in order to become more like Jesus. That's the fresh steps every day part. And that's the hard part. I don't have to do all that to be saved. But I think I have to do it to be healed and whole, to allow my heart to be opened and transformed. I learned to focus on expressing my love and devotion to Him, just presenting a long list of wants and needs. I realized that God knows what I need anyway, so I don't have to remind Him of that. Of course, I want to bring my needs to Him, but the main focus of the "meeting" is to offer my gratitude and praise, and then seek His guidance and revelation.
Today, it seems to me that family is a large part of the answer. Being part of a loving family makes it easier to believe in a loving God. Having someone who cherishes and cares for the family . . . that's pretty important. Even getting a hot meal can sometimes be an act of cherishing and encouragement. Providing an example of fearlessness, faith, certainty and joy, that's an act of love. It's an act of healing. It's an act of creating order in a senseless world.
Anyway, that's my story and I'm sticking with it. Knowing that one is truly blessed and highly favored is what enables one to make sense of a senseless world.
From a great website:
How to Know God, from Gospelcom.net
III. What Are We Like?
We generally think of ourselves as basically good. And it's true that God's image is built into us. But there is another side.
People are rebellious. We have rejected God's authority over us in this world. People are self-centered. We are mainly concerned with our own comfort and security, putting our own selfish ambitions first.
People are often unconcerned. We usually don't worry about our broken relationship with God. But we were made to have a living relationship with him.
People are still accountable. Because he is concerned for justice, God can't let us go unpunished. The penalty is permanent separation from God (Romans 6.23). This is a death sentence that rests on all people.
People are deceived. Having rejected God's authority and friendship, we look for substitutes. Instead of putting God at the top of our priorities, we fill our lives with getting things or getting by, concern for security or power, maybe even drugs or the occult. Such substitutes don't finally satisfy. They can't replace God and knowing him.
People are proud. Some of us think so highly of our own achievements that we decide that God doesn't matter. Others think that living a good life will make them acceptable to God. But we must face the fact that rebels are rebels, no matter how decent they seem! To receive God's forgiveness we must change our whole attitude to him and recognize his right to rule us.
Lord, thank You for the peace that only You give in this troubled world. Help me to bring the Good News to those who are suffering anxiety and fear. May they find Your peace.
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