Life Without Regrets . . . I don't think so

Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the
people who treat you right. Forget about the one's who
don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you
get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it
changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy,
they just promised it would be worth it.

I got this in a forwarded email and I started to think of all the regrets I have and how important those regrets were for me. I learned the most from the times my conscience pricked me and I realized I needed to change. Those were my greatest learnings and they were teh hardest, because it meant looking myself squarely in the character, and doing something uncomfortable and different.

I regret, for instance, not being able to get along with my previous husband. I could only see things from my own perspective and I regret that.

It seems more helpful to tell a young person, "You will make mistakes. And you will regret those mistakes. But learn the best you can from that error and keep going."

Humanity is flawed; no one is perfect. Should any leader live a "life without regrets?" Should George Bush, for instance? That's just an example.

It's crucial to realize that we all do the best we can at the time we have to make crucial decisions. Maybe there are some who want to do wrong to others for no reason; I'm assuming that kind of behavior is kept to a minimum. It takes a lot of humility to admit a mistake and it seems living a "life wthout regrets" gives us all a free pass to not admit that we've made a mistake.

The next problem I have with this blurb is love the ones who treat you right and forget about those who don't. Now, I'm a Christian and I was taught pretty much the opposite. Love your enemies is what the good book says. That's easy, right? NOT! But we are admonished to love our enemies. Why? Well, a lot of preaching can go into that question. Suffice it to say, we are not let off the hook to just love the ones who love us. I admit, that's one of the most radical teachings of Jesus of Nazareth, and maybe the most ignored.

The Old Testament says "Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD." (Leviticus 19:18, NIV). Jesus took that to a new level In the Sermon on the Mount, he said:

"You have heard that it was said, `Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect." (Matthew 5:43-48, NIV)

Okay, the next sentence "Believe everything happens for a reason" really chaps my hide. Not only do I not agree with this platitude but I believe it can be harmful. Those words offer us a way to avoid genuine discomfort and confusion. Not that I'm attacking people that use and believe in that phrase; it's used to try to comfort and offer support. I actually am a very optimistic, hopeful individual, but uttering such platitudes as "every cloud has a silver lining" or "everything happens for a reason" don't do anything for me and actually can block the needed healing during a traumatic situation. For example, if someone attacks me physically or verbally, does it help me to believe that it happened for a reason? Doesn't really help. Bad things happen. Sometimes there is a reason. Sometimes there is no reason. I'm cool with that. Either way, I'm gonna be busy trying to repair the damage and move on with my healing and with my learning. Another example: what if I attack someone else, or reject someone else? Or didn't support someone? Did that happen for a reason?

'Second chance. Grab it.' Okay. Got it. Can't really dispute this statement. But it does imply

"If it changes your life, let it." I take it this means, if the second chance changes your life, let it. That's easier said than done, because that's actually what life is all about . . . growing and changing. Some of us grow into patience, humility and wisdom. Others grow more paranoid, vengeful and self-doubting. What makes the difference between the two? What makes some folks change for the positive and others go negative? I'm not sure, really. I don't have the answer for everything and I don't believe that saying "everything happens for a reason" really helps most situations. Saying "let it change your life" is like saying "take a deep breath." It's a platitude so fundamental, most times it doesn't need to be said.

After all, "Nobody said life would be easy."

Let's prepare ourselves for understanding some of the harder truths in life. It's cute when a toddler or a child believes in Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny. Those myths suffice until they grow up and are ready for the complicated truths of the real world. Let's not keep ourselves or our children away from the real truths by perpetuating these platitudes.