Hero of our own narrative

Is it true that we're always a hero in our own narrative? Not exactly. Sometimes, we fail the hero test and we're the bastard in our own narrative. Being the bastard in our own narrative is not a good place to be but it may be a true place. Shame [ and repentance become ] is the gateway to grace, as Blayne said in The Unit. Recovering from the shame so that we can rise from our cowardice and wounds to fight another day is the important measure of living out the narrative.

I've been the hero of my family, and my family didn't have enough sense to recognize my heroism, and so I didn't recognize my own qualities. I've been the turd of my family, too, and boy, my family didn't fail to recogize that, so I was made supremely aware of my turdishness.  Boo hoo.

So which do I dwell on? I guess I get to choose. Both are in the past now. I can learn from both and I can be a better person. I can never take back those failings. I can face them and embrace my humanity and try for forgiveness.

I can become the human in my own narrative.

Part of the problem is we all live and believe our own hero narrative, from the cruelest dictator to the most generous philanthropist. We cling to the hero in ourselves, even while living immoral and debauched lives, probably. Probably. Definitely. Without the hero, we can't stand being the bastard. I think. Everything is too complicated. Without the feeling of being adored and loved, how can we live with being kicked around.

Being the hero allows us to accept the adoration. Otherwise, it's hard to accept the love. So all hail the hero. 

I've been getting high on taking bee pollen and royal jelly for the last few days. It makes me feel wonderful, energetic, not hungry and at peace.